The power of sharing at Le Havre des familles
REPORT. Like all Apprentis d’Auteuil Family Homes, Le Havre des familles [which means ‘family haven’, a play on the town’s name Le Havre] is all about interaction and sharing. It aims to support parents in their educational responsibilities, but also re-empower them in their own lives. We spent an autumn Tuesday there. By Agnès Perrot.
In the kitchen, the coffee machine is on full blast. It’s 9am, on a sunny autumn Tuesday at Le Havre des familles, a Family Home which has been run by Apprentis d’Auteuil and Secours Catholique since 2017. It is in the Danton neighbourhood, an area of Le Havre undergoing major regeneration. Aurélie Lefrançois, joint manager of the site with Justine Meslet – a specialist educator who could not be with us – arrived a little early.
Innovative support
Like every weekday morning, she gets ready to warmly welcome parents and volunteers for the day. The Home is housed in the former premises of the nearby Sainte-Anne church, with a shared courtyard and green space for gardening.
Dedicated to supporting parents, and open for long periods several days of the week, Le Havre des familles offers free drop-in support for families in the area, who are often isolated or socio-economically vulnerable. Families are free to come alone, or with their children.
They can speak with one another about the things that worry them as parents: setting limits, parental exhaustion, arguments about screen time, trouble at school, etc. Allowing time for such discussions (whether formal or informal) and the daily routine is very important. The team is made up of employees, unpaid volunteers, interns and civic service volunteers.
A collective boost
“We operate thanks to projects that we carry out together”, the young woman emphasises straight away as she offers a coffee to the first arrivals at the door. Hugs and children’s smiles can be seen everywhere.
“Our initiatives, even the most simple, are developed together as a team. The group approach is stimulating, and allows us to be bolder. The aim is to give everyone a sense of responsibility, and give families back the power to have agency in their own lives. The dynamic at work at Apprentis d’Auteuil, of thinking and taking action together, is a real lever for change.”
This approach is about building confidence in the long term. No-one is judged for their own situation.
Coming together to unwind
At 10.30am, the meeting scheduled for the morning is in full swing. In the main room, a dozen parents – mostly mums – are chatting around a table. Children are playing around
them. The topic for discussion? Preparations for an event that will take place a fortnight later at the local cultural centre. Next week, the topic will be parental exhaustion; the following week, the question of screen-time… specialists are often invited to attend as well. Aurélie jots down everyone’s suggestions in her notebook, manages who is speaking, and gets up to answer the telephone.
Opposite her, Gwendoline, a mum who has been before, is speaking. Several months pregnant, she has come with her partner and their little boy: “This is a place to meet people and relax. We can take a breath, cry, ask for advice, and get courage and ideas.”
Ideas such as shared meals, which have just started up. Once a week, parents cook during the morning and eat lunch together. They pay particular attention to the products they use, which have to be simple, healthy and in season. “We learn to make balanced meals that are not expensive,” continues Gwendoline “while discussing what’s on our minds. At the moment, it’s often about how hard it is to make ends meet.”
Sharing tasks
Djaouida, another regular, agrees: “I heard about this place through my sister-in-law. I’ve been coming since it opened. The house is really welcoming. You can talk freely, and nobody judges you. It’s a huge support for me in terms of how to deal with my children. These discussions really help me to bring them up differently!”
Themed discussions, cooking workshops, visits, board games, sport, etc. Suggestions for activities often come from parents, and are decided collectively with the leaders and the volunteers.
Another particular feature is the sharing of tasks and the attention paid to each other. “It’s like being in a family”, says Aurélie. “A communal spirit which, if you listen to it, lets you have a go, take initiative, and become more autonomous. There is a real and tangible impact.”
The role of sport
It’s 1.20pm, in the Dauphine gym, 10 minutes away. Everyone has got their own lunch (the centre closes at lunchtime), and a group of mothers chat while waiting for the doors to open. Twice a month on Tuesdays these volunteer mums have a fitness session with a sports coach. A number of them expressed a wish to do this at the last Family Home meeting.
“This activity has been running since the beginning of September”, explains Marie-Pierre Fayol, one of the volunteers. “Very few parents allow themselves the right to take time for themselves, their wellbeing and their health. In terms of sport, we had already tried parent-child football tournaments and walks in the neighbourhood. With this workshop we’re going even further!”
Confidence
Welcome, a regular young mum, tells us: “I come here with my 18 month old daughter. It does me a world of good and I can already feel the effects. The coach really puts us at
ease.” Newcome Jamie feels the same way: “I would never have dared to start exercising again on my own, especially in a place I don’t know. I’m so happy to be here!”
The door to the gym opens slightly. The coach greets the mums one by one, and the training exercises continue, mostly involving ball games. Sitting on a bench, the volunteer continues: “Many families who come to us are in a precarious situation, whether socially, economically, or in terms of their relationships. Violence can have consequences for their role as a parent. If they are preoccupied with financial or administrative problems, they often find it hard to make themselves available to spend time with their children to play or talk.”
Taking control of life
At 3.30pm, back to the house. If they are available, some parents meet up before school is out; a chance to have a cup of tea and continue to chat.
Kadiatou is among them, a mother of three teenagers. She says: “I moved from the Paris region with my family a year ago, and I live in the neighbourhood. I didn’t know anyone. But here, we speak about everything. We sew, cook, make friends. We basically just get on and support each other. I can’t tell you how much the Family Home helps me.”
Aurélie, the site manager, is also very in demand. “As well as the group work,” she explains, “we offer more personalised support to families who want it, to help them with their administrative applications or to find employment.”
It’s 5.30pm. The last parents have gone, and the manager gets ready to close the house. It’s been another eventful day. “Many women are transformed by coming here,” she shares, turning the key in the lock. “They astonish me with their courage. It’s an honour for me to make progress with them.”
In 2022, 160 families were helped by Le Havre des familles. The house is supported by the département (region) and town, and is recognised as a “resource centre” by the Caisse des allocations familiales (CAF) which also helps to run it.
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